how to prepare mentally for the fourth trimester

May 9

help for new moms.jpg — In honor of National Health Month, I’m focusing on something that expecting parents tend to forget about. There is so much information about packing a hospital bag but not nearly enough information about preparing a mental health support team. This post will break down what you should prepare for and how to prepare for it.

what should you expect the first few weeks?

the first few weeks of postpartum are mentally challenging for so many reasons. You realized (like really realized) that the nurses and doctors just let you bring home a human (even though you tell them you’ve never done it before, and they should come home with you to help.) And you’re trying to figure out this little person.

You’re emotional. You might have the baby blues, which last about two weeks. This can leave you laughing one minute and crying the next. It might feel like your hormones (prolactin, estrogen, progesterone) are sending you on a roller coaster of emotions. This is common.

You’re tired. Babies have teeny stomachs, so they can’t eat enough to sleep long stretches. No matter how many Pinterest articles you read saying otherwise, it is normal and healthy for babies to wake every 2 - 3 hours the first few weeks. That will make you exhausted. If you’re breast or chest feeding, you are probably waking up every time to feed your baby. This will take a mental and physical toll as well.

You’re confused. Whether or not you immediately bonded with your baby, it takes time to learn their cues. While some cues are common for all babies, your baby is unique. You might feel like a terrible parent because you don’t know what your baby wants and needs, but again, this is common. Take it slow, and in no time, you’ll be an expert.

how to prepare for this?

Give yourself a break. When you feel inadequate, remind yourself that you’re new to this. Every parent who seems like they are perfect started out having no clue what they were doing. And most parents have put on a diaper backwards and not noticed. (You can also use these affirmations.)
Have realistic expectations. I’ve spoken to countless friends and clients who emotionally beat themselves up because their baby isn’t on a schedule right away or doesn’t roll the exact week they’re “supposed to.” But babies won’t do exactly what a Pinterest article told us they were going to do. Please, remind yourself that it’s normal for babies to wake up, to want to be held, to be rocked to sleep. You’re not failing for doing these things.
Give yourself time to rest. If it’s possible, rest, rest, rest. Many suggest the 5-5-5 Rule. 5 days in the bed; 5 days on the bed; and 5 days near the bed. I was able to truly rest (on the couch but still) for so long with my first, and it make a huge difference. Don’t force yourself to go out, show off your baby, or have a sip-and-see if you don’t feel ready. Just focus on bonding with your baby.
Have support. Get all the help you can. If you’re blessed with friends, family, neighbors who want to help, accept it. Ask them for food, cleaning, Target runs, anything. And use this trusty printable to remind them to wash their hands.
Make a plan. Have discussions with your partner, family, friends, and work about what you expect in the fourth trimester. Write down these plans and have real conversations about what you need and how you feel supported. If you’d like help making a plan, you can book a prenatal meeting with me!

I hope this post reminds you to give yourself a break. To be kind to yourself. To avoid comparing yourself to other parents. You can also learn how to create your support system with my mini-course. Sign up below!